I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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