are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
