Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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