i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
