And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
