you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
