im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
