I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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