I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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