i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
