Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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