Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
