I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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