im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
