There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
