I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize