It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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