i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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