The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
