she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
