I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
