shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize