he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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