I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
