why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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