I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
