and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
