finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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