her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think my moral compass just broke
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
