Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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