I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
