Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
