C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
