i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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