I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
