Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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