The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
