Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
