Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
babies were throwing up all over the place
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
