considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
