He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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