we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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