yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I intend to get homeless drunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
