At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
