i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
