I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
