I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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