could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
