if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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