There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
