If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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