bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
