She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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