dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If its not for food we ain't going out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
