I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
