dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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