dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
