well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
