I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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