what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
