I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
