the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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