I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
